I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
