So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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