I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
