I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
