you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
