what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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