Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
