Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
