Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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