just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
