I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
