Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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