I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
