If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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