just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
