You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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