You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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