i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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