I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
