her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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