also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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