There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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