Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
