so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
