also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
