Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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