i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
