There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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