Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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