You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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