I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
