So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
