haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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