I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i love accidental penises.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
