I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
