well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So vagazzling was a success
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
