He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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