I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
