He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
