My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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