if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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