sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
