I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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