I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
