who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
