he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
