were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
