i already hear my dad disowning me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
