Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
