i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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