You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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