I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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