St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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