Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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