TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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