Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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