god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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